dA LasTing oF ma cReaTiviTy...
Journal Entry: Wed Jul 25, 2007, 7:14 AM
- Listening to: mA hearT beAt...
- Reading: mA miNd...
- Watching: da DepTh of mA cReaTivity...
- Playing: wiT mA dReamS,mA FatE...
I aint cry,i aint die till i get da thing i wanna get,n da dilemma only da fucking solution of Moin life.ma desires,ma likes,ma love,ma man all rolled into ma dreams-ma only n only creation....will it be mine or it flow as a stream??a question to destiny,aint it cum true,aint it be a reality or lyk every morning i’ll open ma eyes n realize it was just a fucking dream,a dream iza dream wen brings u a smile in yar face but wen it hurts it’s a bloody nightmare,it fucks ur desires n becomes a scary part ov yar life.n i aint let dat happen,i wanna liv ma today da best n i'll creat ma today into ma dream workplace…da continuing nature-dats da Gods creativity bounded me on creating ma dreams...Da drips of snow falling,da leaves dat dirts away n keeps scrolling,da breeze dat blows ma hair from ma face meks me dreaming,all dose emotional moments,I kept thinking of him,his cares,his depth,his soul da way he admires,da way he wants me in his life,ol was he waiting for to know was dat is moi love him bak???his creations was his desires, desiring me,caring me ol thru ma life but moi waiting for what???da only reason r da pains in ma soul iz like ever lasting,neve did it nyone hand it to me,nor a buddy gifted 2 me,all was da thingz disturbing me was da deep sorrow in me,wud it remain a dream or be a part of ma reality,NO !! dis wasnt supposed to be therr,it isnt a part of ma creativity,it wasnt da answer to ma soul.....Da past dat had past away is still alive in ma memories n I neve get to apart it away...cudnt creat it on ma own way....thoe I cudnt get da thing I wanted,thoe i cudnt gotta say da thing i wanna say.i do regret but I do also try,not to repeat da thing dat made me cry but da smiles,da sayings dat I rememba also today meks me cry n i fear ov da future dat might made me regret for today.oh today???how far can i creat it???One day might be da day wen da tomorrow might start without me,da sun may rise without ma eyes opening n ma soul may not reply me,tears may shed from eyes for me for therr might be da day wen am no more in me,da end of ma creation n da LoRd wud show his masterpiece,holding ma hand an angel might welcome a new me,moi da one in future n therr no farther future den da day wen am nomore in me,ma soul may apart from ma body n wud leave it behind as a corpse.A new me,a new place,a new life,a new tomorrow but da fucking past I am leaving behind aint be anymore in ma dream,i aint dream anymore,i aint creat anymore,i aint cry nomore,i aint live anymore for da angel wud cum n moi wud realize ma place iz ready,den a tears may drip from ma eyes,da same eyes i dreamt so much to live for,neve wanted to leave ma dear ones dis way,i had so much yet left to do n it seemed almost impossible dat i wud b leaving u,i wud rememba ol da thing i did in ma yesterday,ol da fun,ol da love,ol da moments i spend wid u,if i cud hav relive da yesterday again,just for a while i wud hav created sum beautiful moments spend wit u, wud hav kissed u goodbye n cee ur smile for da last but.....wit da angel waiting for me i wud realize again dat dis cud den neve be coz den ma emptiness n memory wud tek da place ov me,i’ll b den called as da dead one n no more aint be among u,ma body wud rest underneath da earth n wud rot n rot for years but ma soul wud rise up above,above da seven sky,near da heaven,near our God,n den a fear may work in me remembering ol da sins i had created so far,ol da words dat had hurt sumone,ol da lies i spoke to ma mom,ol da broken promise to ma dad,now den i’ll hav to pay da things i did in ma life on earth,but wen i enter da place of God it wud be very warm n homely dat I may B comfortable wit da new me n again den I wud rememba u dat derr iz sumone on earth might very lonely without me,i wud fold ma hands n kneel maself down infront ov da creater ov me n wud seek for ma yesterday again for me,it might be so silly for Him coz love is only made for human n only de kno dat how do it mean,den he might promise me da heaven for me n atlast forgive me free,but i wud fully realize dat ma life on earth iz past n therr is no more future.n den he wud assure me dat therr wud be onother me who wud tek ma place on earth for da dear ones i left n wud fulfill da happiness i did dreamt to give u.He wud also promise to replace da dear one in therr,i wud be den surrounded ba ma new dear ones but i kno derr will be no one as u coz u r in ma mind,in ma soul,u were in ma past,is in ma present n will be in ma future….ahhh !! cumon dat is ma creation,no one can rob dat from me,but it does hurts dat sumone now derr has taken ma place but again it wud sooth me thinking dat u r happy,as I always wated u to be.So if tomorrow starts without me ,don think am far apart coz every time u wud think of me I’ll be right therr in ur heart in ur created imaginations…though ma dreams wud leave behind unfulfilled,ma wants making me crazy for it to be complete coz u kno I am neve complete without u -ma creation in ma imagination n i kno u love me da way I do n I’ll miss u da way u’ll mis me too.But I must thank da Lord dat am still in ma present n not in ma tomorrow.So as long as I’ll live I aint do da thing I shudnt do.So now stop da time n hold me tight,fulfill ma dream dat I might not be be able to creat wen ma tomorrow wud start…I aint bear da pain anymore,aint keep moi waiting to be told,I aint stop maself to be urs...i'll creat da luv,da attraction or da temptation whatever ol say,u'll be bound to want me,u'll be forced,u'll be helpless n one day will be da day wen u'll hav to defeat infront of ma creativity...........
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light and soft
jesus n mary
a simple work of pastel..
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Too Many Questions
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It must make God weary to be called down on both sides of an argument.~Cold Mountain
too bad some are really really small
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Too Many Questions
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